If you could pick a quality from all of your friends and roll them altogether, what would you pick? Would that make you happy? I think a friend does have to be everything rolled into one.
Below is a list of the qualities many of us pick when choosing our friends:
- Trust
- Kind and caring personality
- Keeping secrets
- Support
- Respect
A little story
I remember at school I had a little close circle of friends, we'd do everything together, but there would always be someone who would try to expand the circle too. One friend would maybe walk into school talking to someone else or a couple of friends would live on the same road as two other people in our year, and I didn't like it.
I wanted just that circle to include only us and not be broken to let strangers in, I didn't really make friends easily so I liked sticking to who I knew. I don't think that was a bad thing, since all the newbies tore apart my circle and became distrustful anyway.
Gradually, over months some members would come back to us and some we never spoke to again. We learn over time that there are some people who simply don't deserve your time.
This lesson gets easier the older we get. Now, in my late 30s, I can count only 4 truly close friends and I'm happy with that. I've learnt that I don't need loads of those 'pretend friends' but only want real dependable friends instead.
Back then, and I assume it hasn't changed now, us girls made big issues about having a 'best friend'. If I can remember rightly, I would normally have a new best friend every week. It was one of the first times I experienced sadness when I would fall out with my best friend.
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What did I mean by 'pretend friends'?
There are some acquaintances who come and go in your life, there are long distance friendships that stay the whole hog and then there are those who are in your life for such a short time, only because they have used you. It is that particular 'friend' that I label 'pretend friends'. You may find out in the end that they're untrustworthy, two faced and do not care enough about you, only themselves, if they have hurt you in any way, they won't apologise.
They won't listen to you either, they'll be more occupied by other things, but of course they can't walk around town on their own, it's purely the only reason why they've invited you along. You'll also start noticing that there is no real laughter between you, if there is it might all be fake by this friend.
So what qualities do I look for in real close friends?
You know that one person you can stand in front of and just cry buckets of tears, that same person you throw things around as you let off some steam in front of and that exact same one who shares their last bit of chocolate with you…
That is what I call a close friend.
They know your family, they've made you laugh and witnessed your worst habit. They don't judge, they understand and they will make things alright again…
That is what I call a close friend.
Photo from Unsplash
So do perfect friends exist? Yeah they do!
Is it just us girls that used to thrive on having best friends when we were younger?
What qualities in a close friend, other than what I have mentioned do you look for?
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Comments
It's interesting to think about friendships and how we connect to other people. I mainly look for people that I can grow with; a reciprocity as we evolve as we get older or go through different/new experiences. I'm very fortunate to have had my best friend in my life for 38 years and we're just as connected even though we now live thousands of miles apart. Great post!
Molly | transatlanticnotes.com
Aww thats so wonderful to hear! Yes agreed, a friend who can grow with us and still be there, it's perfect.
Such true words you have written. I also have very strict standards for calling someone my friend. Friends are after all family that you choose!
Thank you, I like that saying you have mentioned!
Trustworthiness is my top quality in a friend. I have been burned too many times by people who fake trust and then turn on me later. While other qualities are important, they won't go far if I can't trust the person. I've had too many experiences with pretend friends, so now I'm always hesitant to let new people into my life and especially to add the label of a friend to them. Honestly, my circle of friends is incredibly small, it involves one person but she is the epitome of a perfect friend and we have known each other for over 20 years.
One true friend is miles better, like I mentioned I don't have a big circle either. That perfect friend means alot to us.
I love this! Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way. I always cared to be friend with who was popular. I learned the hardway that it’s more meaningful to find/develop true meaningful friendships. Trying to teach my daughter this to avoid any pain but I know it’s a learning process. Thanks for this!
I am the same, trying to teach my daughter about the trials and errors too of friends that will come and go
I prefer a few good friends to lots of fake ones.
Thank you for your comment, but wouldn't all their qualities rolled into one be awesome?
This is something I still struggle with, recently I’ve been feeling like I don’t have a “best friend” someone that I’m super close to who knows all the worst parts but still loves me anyways. No one really mentions that as you grow up you’ll start to lose those friendships you made as a child!
Thank you for reading, we lose friends when we are younger and we lose them adults too. People's lives can pull apart a friendship sometimes, c'est la vie.
When it comes to choosing friends, I also look for people with the five qualities that you listed at the beginning of this post. And I also choose people who are sincere, kind, and not judgemental. I’m the kinda of person who doesn’t like to feel inferior in friendship and have fake people take advantages of me. So I always be careful when making friends with people. Plus, I can read peoples’ mind and heart. So I can tell if a person is sincere or not with me.
It is such a big learning curb but it sounds like you have it all under control. Thank you for reading
This was a really interesting read! I was completely the same in school, I hated others joining our group. I do think that having one super close friend is much better than lots of fake ones! Thanks for sharing x
Thank you for your comments I'm happy you agree. It's quality over quantity every time with our friends true.
Yes, all of the qualities you mention above, plus a good sense of humour. I love ‘in’ jokes! I’ve always had a ‘best friend’ and I can trust her with my life, she has proven this to me time and time again x
Thanks for commenting, it is so comforting to have that special person in your life definitely
This is a lovely post. I just look for people that positively support others and that are kind. Thank you for sharing.
Lauren
Yes Lauren so true, thank you so much for reading
Loved reading your friendship blog.
Everything you mentioned in friendship I agree on,
Just one of the many reasons your my true friend, always have and always will be!
Love you matey! Thank you for your gorgeous comments. Just an FYI you are one of my closest friends with all qualities in the world.